I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
