Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
