Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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