how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize