my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
