she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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