The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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