I like to think it a success when the cops are called
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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