I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
