he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
