How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
