also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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