He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come share oat with me in your robe
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your penis caused this!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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