I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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