The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
