New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
