that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
