Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
