I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
