shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
