I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
