Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
