I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
