Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
