brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
