I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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