hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize