So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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