Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
