I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
