Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
