and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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