My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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