The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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