I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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