i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
