What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize