Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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