3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dick has a subreddit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
