Sponge bath it is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
