i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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