tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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