So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
