some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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