I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
