The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I could fuck to npr.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
