Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
