White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
