im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
