boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
