I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
