i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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