Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
