Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
