why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize