his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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