Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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