yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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