You really coming over, don't trick.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
