the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
