dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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