it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
