Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They have beer where we have blood.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
